I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize