there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i came on her dog
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
