i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
