I can tuck mytits in my pants
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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