1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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