at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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