im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize