my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
