Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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