I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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