The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
