I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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