Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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