I'm really into asian looking animals
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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