She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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