That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
