I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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