hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
