Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
