Do you still have your period?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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