ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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