I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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