Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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