my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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