please come you make the beer taste better
time to smoke my breakfast
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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