its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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