Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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