the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
