1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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