I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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