I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
