I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
