Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
