ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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