I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
