Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
