so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
