If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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