does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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