Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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