ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
