I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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