I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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