After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
