i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you would pick up someone in the library
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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