I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
