She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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