so let's talk penis.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
