We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
