So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
