I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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