I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
