She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
