so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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