Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
