dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize