Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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