i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize