Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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