So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
