So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish i was in the wii world.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
