He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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