I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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