i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
