Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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