for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
