Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize