sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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