yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
