Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
