I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
