if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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