I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
