I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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