i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
this hospital has no fireball
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
