i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
