1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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