I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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